How Can I Say I love you?
by Luna Aelf Writer
Summary: UPDATED!YAOI GOODNESS...KH.. Kurama is tired of his emotions over the humans and a certain fire demon. As Kurama starts down the path of destruction, will Hiei be able to save him? MOVING 9 28 05
1. First Kiss

Disclaimer: Not my property. Don't own them. But we all know I wouldn't be here if I did...hehehe  
  
Rating: PG-13. so far  
  
Paring: Kurama and Hiei - of course!  
  
A/N: My very first attempt at sharing my fic.s. woke up at 3 am and wrote it! FYI - I am NOT responsible for any injuries sustained from reading this fiction ..like nosebleeds..*sneer* little hentai.  
  
How Can I Say. I love you?  
  
He stood there on the tree that was hardly as old as he was. He is the man of shadows. Or rather the demon. Demon of Forbidden Love, of fire and shadows, fire and ice.  
  
Almost gently, the demon walked along the twisted limb not disturbing even a leaf. He studied the dark familiar house next to the tree. He sprang suddenly and lightly landed on the still of an open window. The sight of him was entrancing. An ebon clad figure, except the white of his scarf, his ward bound brow and starburst in his hair. Except for the tanned almost brutally handsome face and sharp silver gleam of his well cared for and well used sword. A katana. Yet, the most appealing, if not disturbing part of this demon was his eyes. Red as blood- as hate filled fury- they were the guarded and locked windows to his proud soul. Windows- telling nothing, fooling many but revealing much, to some. Revealing too much. He stepped into the small but comfortable room silently, like a whisper. Scanning the room quickly, hand on his ready weapon; he made sure all was safe. His face softened from his usual masked expression as his eyes rested on the reason for his presence. Lowering the dark cape and weapon to the floor, he cautiously approached the sleeping human.  
  
Sprawled upon the bed lay an older teenage boy. He was stunningly beautiful. Long silken strands of flame colored hair haloed the human's soft elfin like face. He had the lithe feminine body of a dancer and he was strong. His bare chiseled chest rose softly with his breathing, and it took all the demon's will not to stroke the human's teasing curves, envious of the pale moonlight that so willingly caressed the milky skin in his place. But there was more to this beautiful human than most saw. Under the soft young features lay a soul older than the shadowed demon's. The human was not human, at least not really.  
  
Many years ago, there lived a legendary thief of the demon world. A fox demon. A cold and clever fox spirit that was unusually beautiful, even for his kind. He was the rouge of the clan. Hopelessly addicted to ancient treasures and rare artifacts. But on one of his hunts, a hunter mortally wounded him. Unwilling to go to the spirit world, the fox demon gathered the last of his ki - spirit energy- and fled to the human world. Entering the body of an unborn baby without a soul, the demon lived. Silently waiting until he was strong enough to return to his old life. However, something happened that the fox did not expect. He began to love. His mortal mother unknowingly changed his soul forever. The fox loved, and he could neither leave nor return to his previous life or selfish ways. The fire demon smiled slightly. He respected the fox more than he would admit. He was truly lucky to have not only the fox demon but the others as well for friends.  
  
Suddenly the sweet brow of the redhead furrowed. His pale hands clenched the sheets. The fire demon breathing hitched as he heard the subject of the kitsune's troubled dreams. The fox's high alto voice moaned in the night.  
  
"Hiei, please."  
  
Tears slowly rolled down the pained face.  
  
"Hiei.a-ai shiteru."  
  
Harsh sobs made the human body tremble.  
  
Hiei's crimson eyes widened in surprise and -hope?  
  
He bit his lower lip lightly fangs pressed into the smooth skin. Hope was a dangerous thing, a hurtful addictive emotion, he knew. Still it rushed through his body with eagerness. He knew he felt deeply for the demon before him, but love? He did not know. His soul was divided in two. He was so confused. But looking at the tear streaked face below him; Hiei knew he would have to decide soon. Because all of his soul agree on one thing, losing the fox, the thief sneaking into his guarded heart, would break him.  
  
With a longing look at the fox, Hiei turned and picked up his things. He stopped his exit when the redhead moaned again. White-hot sensations lanced through the fire demon. With a stubborn determination, Hiei crossed the room. Leaning down he hesitated before shyly touching his lips to the boy's. The touch was innocent yet powerful. Hiei gasped at the new feelings controlling him. His eyes widened as the demon below him pressed against his lips in a subconscious response. The fox's tongue traced Hiei's lower lip, before sliding into his heated mouth. The feeling was overwhelmingly exotic and Hiei closed his eyes as the demons moaned together.  
  
One lost in the realm of dreams and one lost in the raw emotions of a first kiss.  
  
With a skill borne from centuries of experience, the kitsune coaxed Hiei's tongue into his own mouth. An unfamiliar heat gathered between his legs and it felt s-so good. Hiei mimicked the fox and explored every inch of the demon's mouth. Stroking the sensuous tongue, teasing it, moaning as the feelings grew. The fox clutched his shoulders as Hiei pressed harder in a fit of wild passion. He wanted more. More of the fox's taste, of his touch. No! No he had to stop he was not ready and the kitsune was waking. Groaning he stopped the kiss gently resting his forehead upon the redhead's. Both were panting hard, lips moist. Hiei stood as the fox's eyes opened sleepily. In a blur of shadow, he was standing again on the gnarled branch. Closing his eyes, he touched his lips. With a parting glance at the silent room, he was gone.  
  
Kurama sighed. It was 3 am and he was awake again. Another dream about Hiei. Gods he loved him so much. It hurt that Hiei was so oblivious. He was just a hurt child hiding behind his pride. Kurama could not help it he still loved the fire demon. He turned to the side and wiped away another tear.  
  
K'so the pain.  
  
Kurama pressed against his heart. The pain of his love -damn emotions. Why? Why did he have to love the arrogant demon so much? And the dreams, oh Inari, the dreams did not help. Especially the last, it had felt so real.  
  
Stop! He does not love you! He cannot love you! Who could ever love you?!  
  
Kurama's mind screamed at him. He shook with repressed sobs. His flame like hair shielding his face from the moon's curious gaze. Why? Why did he fall for Hiei? Why did he love him some much? He was dying inside. His face masked, smooth and statuesque. Emerald eyes blankly stared at the human made walls -his prison. Kurama clenched his hands tightly.  
  
Gods he wanted to die.  
  
R/R pwease!!^^  
  
TBC.^_^ evil author. 


	2. Doorway To Darkness

Disclaimer: Not my property. Do not own them. But we all know I wouldn't be here if I did...hehehe  
  
Rating: PG-13. so far  
  
Paring: Kurama and Hiei - of course!  
  
A/N: My very first attempt at sharing my fic.s.second chapter whoot! FYI - I am NOT responsible for any injuries sustained from reading this fiction ..like nosebleeds..*sneer* little hentai.  
  
How Can I Say. I love you?  
  
Kurama walked home from school restlessly. School had been so dull a pathetic waste of time. He had snapped at the teacher during his last class when she had dared to reprimand his lack of interest.  
  
"Minamino page 49, this class is for learning, not daydreaming, now catch up to the others." His teacher had said looking down on him with a frown. Kurama had looked up with a sneer on his usually peaceful face.  
  
" I was not daydreaming, I was thinking. I am finished with the assignment - in fact, I finished the day before yesterday. And as for this class and learning, the material is a joke and thoroughly boring." Standing up swiftly the fox had tossed the book onto the front desk, chuckling quietly at the shocked faces of his peers.  
  
What was wrong with him? He had never before been so rude to anyone. Well Shuichi had never been so rude.  
  
Where in the nine circles had that come from?  
  
The sidewalk was busy with tourists, businesspeople and students, but he did not pay them any attention. Silently he pushed through the crowds, unaware of the glares thrown his way. Angry glares that swiftly turned to hungry looks after seeing his slender body, full lips, scarlet tresses and brooding emerald eyes.  
  
His mind was in a chaotic maelstrom of dark emotions.  
  
What is happening to me? Why do I feel this unrest - this anger? I feel empty. I feel pain. I feel like a walking contradiction.  
  
Kurama sighed and ran a soft hand through his slightly wind mussed hair.  
  
K'so what the nine hells was he going to do?  
  
What - what was the point?  
  
What did he care if people were offended?  
  
Why should he keep up this caring mask of friendship?  
  
This mask of humanity of love?  
  
Why?  
  
When below it all there lay dormant his rage.  
  
His feral need of destruction.  
  
Of joyful mischief.  
  
Of seduction.  
  
There was no need to stay here anymore. Shori had kept him prisoner long enough.  
  
Now it was time for him to leave. It was time for this fox to go home.  
  
Suddenly a gratingly familiar voice stopped his gleeful musings. Kurama looked up smirking with annoyance at the stupid orange haired ningen coming his way.  
  
"HEY! Hey Kurama! Yusuke told me to find ya and tell ya that the boss wants to see us about another mission. Ya gotta find pyro boy and tell him - hey you ok?" Kuwabara said anxiously just now noticing the somewhat bored look on the normally patient boy's face.  
  
"Ok? No, I am not ok. I feel better than ever. Better than I have in ages. But I won't be meeting with our dear Koenma today - in fact I never want to see him or the rest of you again, at least, not alive."  
  
Kurama turned to walk away and felt the larger boy grab his shoulder. Quickly he jerked away and whirled to face the stunned human with a snarl.  
  
"Kur- Kurama what is wrong with you? Come on lets go see Yukina she can fix whatever's wrong with you."  
  
Kurama laughed coldly, maliciously. Then smirked with disgust.  
  
"Baka there is nothing wrong with me. And if you ever touch me again I can personally ensure that your precious Yukina will suffer a most grievous fate. I must be on my now human. As you and the other fool often say. kutabare."  
  
The fox walked away laughing again at the terror and confusion marring Kuwabara's proud face.  
  
Ohh this was fun, such fun as he had not had in ages.  
  
A part of him was completely mortified at what he had just said - let alone threatened. But the other side was insanely happy.  
  
He needed more. He wanted to wipe the contented smiles off the petty little ningen's faces. He wanted to bathe in their terror.  
  
Yes, this is what he really wanted. With chaos, there was such fun, such sinful pleasure. It was better than love, better than sex - ok maybe not better than sex but still it would be worth it.  
  
The fox walked with a predator's grace, a feral gleam in his eyes. Running his hands along his drool worthy body he decided to change his wardrobe. No need to dress like Shuichi anymore. Seeing a popular and expensive shop, Kurama grinned. A promising opportunity.  
  
The kitsune would return to his real home in the Makai soon.  
  
But first, he wanted to play with the humans.  
  
~ At Genkai's Temple ~  
  
Yusuke looked at the wall clock impatiently.  
  
Where the hell were the others?  
  
The dark haired detective glanced at those present. Genkai looked  
bored, as usual.  
Yukina was politely pouring everyone tea, and Koenma looked as  
inpatient as he. And  
Hiei was somewhere off in the shadows having just arrived.  
  
Wonder where -  
  
BANG  
  
Everyone looked up startled as Kuwabara ran towards them as though all  
the demons in  
Makai were after him. He rushed to Yukina and grabbed her looking her  
up and down  
before giving her a bone crushing hug.  
  
Suddenly out of nowhere a sword blade was at the tall boy's neck, and  
all looked down to  
see Hiei growling softly.  
  
"Let-Her-Go-Now!"  
  
Kuwabara's eyes widened before he stepped back, releasing the small  
ice maiden. Yukina  
blushed then placed a firm hand on the fire demon's shoulder. Hiei  
growled at Kuwabara  
once before sheathing his blade and stepping aside.  
  
"What the Hell is wrong with you Kuwabara? Are you crazy? And where is  
Kurama?"  
  
Yusuke yelled impatiently. Kuwabara turned and punched the wall angrily, trying to catch his breath. Everyone looked uneasily at each other. Something was going on, something serious. Kuwabara turned looking both angry and scared. He told them what Kurama had said. They listened in shock at Kuwabara's account of the fox's behavior.  
  
"But why did you run up to Yukina like that?" Genkai asked quietly.  
  
Kuwabara looked anxiously at a wide-eyed and confused Hiei. The physic  
had left out  
that part of the conversation for a reason. Noticing the cautious  
glance, Hiei narrowed his  
eyes in suspicion. He drew his katana again, and saw the human's fists  
clench. Then  
Yukina's soft voice called out.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Yukina looked up at Kuwabara sadly. He hesitated and told them voice  
catching slightly,  
in fear.  
  
"Kurama said that if I messed with him again he would - he would hurt  
her real bad."  
  
CLANG  
  
Everyone turned towards the sound. Hiei had dropped his sword, his ruby eyes wide and mouth open. It would have made a cute picture if the situation were not so dire. The fire demon stammered a little.  
  
"B-baka, is this some kind of a joke? Kurama would never say something like that, ever! You are lying. I don't believe it - I won't."  
  
"LISTEN! I know you don't like me Hiei. I don't care, but I am telling you the truth. He was scary. I don-don't what was wrong with him but he was talking crazy. And his eyes - they looked evil he looked evil! I swear on my honor he said it. I- I thought he was going to kill me."  
  
Kuwabara turned quickly and wiped his eyes. No one doubted him now. Even Hiei could sense the truth in his words.  
  
If it was true then someone had hurt the fox. Emotions swirled through his heart making it race madly. It was like that night a week ago, when he had given in and kissed Kurama.  
  
He could still feel the redhead's soft lips. He could still taste him, smell him - aphrodisiacal sensations. Shivers ran down his spine at the image of the redhead responding to his touch.  
  
STOP! Do not become distracted by these weak feelings! You are the Forbidden Child. These emotions are forsaken. YOU CANNOT BE LOVED!  
  
If something is controlling Kurama in some way then you must regard him as a threat. Concentrate or someone may die. Kurama could die. No - that is not an option.  
  
Hiei picked his sword up and sheathed it, eyes narrowing in determination. His voice rang out deep and cold through the chamber.  
  
"He-Is-Mine."  
  
And he was gone.  
  
Genkai smiled slightly behind her cup. She was worried about the fox, but she knew that there was more between the two demons than just a simple friendship. Even if they did not know it themselves. If anyone could help Kurama, it was Hiei. She frowned suddenly.  
  
That is - if it was not already too late.  
  
R/R pwease!!^^  
  
TBC. ^_^ cliff hangers... *evil laughter* 


	3. The Door Opens

Disclaimer: Not my property. Do not own them. But we all know I wouldn't be here if I did...hehehe  
  
Rating: PG-13. so far  
  
Paring: Kurama and Hiei - of course!  
  
A/N: My very first attempt at sharing my fic.s.third chapter! FYI - I am NOT responsible for any injuries sustained from reading this fiction ..like nosebleeds..*sneer* little hentai.  
  
How Can I Say..........I love you?  
  
Deep in a small forest surrounding the base of a mountain, there was a clearing. A stream from the mountain ended in a shallow pool in this particular clearing. The place was peaceful and secret.  
  
Beautiful in a way that the Makai could never imitate. The clearing held the impression of innocent tranquility, whereas the demon world was anything but innocent - or tranquil.  
  
The fox looked around appreciatively. Though he preferred the wild scents of his home world, the nature of the Ningenkai was comfortable.  
  
But the place was lacking something. Ah! Shelter would be necessary if the weather were to continue its course.  
  
Kurama studied the clearing's size, not really that much bigger than his human bedroom. Good.  
  
With a flick of his wrist and a steady concentration of ki, the redhead flung the necessary seeds to the ground. Silently, dark green vines grew high and twisted together. Wrapping around the closest tree limbs, the vines knit together in a teepee like shape. Kurama nodded his approval.  
  
There was little space to move as he walked around the clear pool and paused at one end of his shelter. The vines shifted and allowed him entrance.  
  
He cast more seeds upon the floor and watched them grow. Soft moss covered the floor and two peculiar types of flowers were clinging to the walls and ceilings. One type was bright red and provided a comfortable heat source, while the other, a deep purple provided light.  
  
It was perfect, large enough for even his Youko form to freely move about, and yet small enough to feel private and secure.  
  
Kurama retrieved the bag of things he had taken from his human dwelling.  
  
Leather pouches of seeds and herbs he had saved for years, rolls of bandage cloths and jars of salve, things to groom oneself with and who could forget his silken traditional Youko wrap.  
  
Standing with a grace that spoke of centuries of practice and natural talent, the fox swiftly undressed. Almost reverently, the fox donned the newly "acquired" soft material. He laced the sandals quickly before shoving all the ningen clothing back into the bag and tucking it between some of the higher vines.  
  
Pale hands once again roamed over a slender body that twirled and swayed with excitement.  
  
Blood colored hair swirled about a face shining with joy. With the joy and pleasure of freedom.  
  
But it was not without a price.  
  
Kurama's fox-dance halted with the unwanted thought.  
  
No matter how much he denied it, the kitsune knew that he was not entirely the same soul as before. The love of his human mother had changed him. Yes, he knew it to be true. A part of him also knew that leaving Shiori would cause her much pain. And that in effect would hurt him as well.  
  
The beautiful boy bit his lower lip and furrowed his brow in thought.  
  
He did not care if the human woman was hurt or not.  
  
But he did care.  
  
Damn human emotions.  
  
What about his plans to mess with the ningens heads?  
  
The humans he had once called "friends?"  
  
What about his plans of terror induced chaos?  
  
A stunningly ethereal smile lit his features.  
  
The pathetic Rekai Tantei could wait another day.  
  
The fox needed to explain his departure to Shiori - at least the half- truth. He owed her a goodbye, even if it was forever.  
  
Quickly he ran through the forest darting between the trees with mischievous laughter. When he reached the populated streets of the city he began to notice the peculiar looks he was attracting. Following one woman's lust glazed eyes; the fox remember his strange attire. Kurama looked his reflection in a store window.  
  
Oh, Inari on the Mountain.  
  
The redhead looked utterly breathtaking, like a mythical prince.  
  
The leather laces of his sandals twisted around the fox's feminine legs and tied off mid-thigh. His slender hips and waist wrapped in the satin white cloth that covered his chest and wound around his neck.  
  
The outfit covered enough to be decent, but left little to the imagination. A human body, strong from hard-earned muscle, soft and yet firm- sensuous.  
  
And gods the face!  
  
A creamy porcelain mask, perfect in every way. Wide laughing jade eyes framed with ebon lashes and brows. Full rose kissed lips just begging to be kissed and cheeks dusted with a pale blush, giving the fox an almost innocent appearance. All haloed by his hair - long silken strands of liquid fire.  
  
Windswept and tantalizing - the fox was friggin gorgeous.  
  
Kurama laughed, his high alto voice ringing out in a pure clear note.  
  
Not now! You have business elsewhere not prancing in front of mirrors!  
  
The redhead sighed like a pouting child before continuing the course to his current destination.  
  
I will only tell her what she needs to know. How this lie is killing me. This human world that oppresses my spirit. This mortal realm of restriction. How much I miss my home. That is what my heart yearns for, the Makai. That and a stubborn little fire demon- NO!  
  
NO!  
  
I will not think of him! I will not torture my already broken heart. He does not love me. He cannot love anyone but himself.  
  
FORBIDDEN!  
  
FORBIDDEN! He is the unwanted child. The curse of the Koorime.  
  
He will not submit to love. He will never fall in love. He will never love me!  
  
Hiei-  
  
Kurama's breath caught in his throat. Looking up he realized that he was standing in front of his mother's door. Trembling- he knocked. As a single tear rolled down his pale face Shiori opened the door.  
  
Shiori gasped slightly when she saw the strange but beautiful clothing Kurama wore- when she saw his tear filled eyes. Her son spoke quietly voice shaking,  
  
"Mother there is- there is something that I need to tell you."  
  
Shiori saw the pain in his eyes, the eyes that shone with fear, with determination and something else. Something dark. Something bitter and something full of desperate fury. So, it was time.  
  
"It is time, isn't it? Time for you to tell me the secret you have kept all these years."  
  
Kurama's eyes widened in surprise, she knew? How is that possible?  
  
Shiori gave him a small sad smile.  
  
"You are my son, Shuichi. I have taken care of you for many years. I have always known you were different, that you were hiding something. But I love you, my son. And I respected your silence."  
  
Kurama's head whirled in wonder. He had always known that this day would come sooner or latter. Always known that one-day he would need to tell her. He had expected many things, many responses, but her suspicion- her silent understanding of his need for secrecy totally shocked him.  
  
Then he made his decision.  
  
This human woman deserved to know everything. Everything he had lied about, all that he had kept hidden. His vengeance games could wait until later.  
  
Now the fox would tell her how he had suffered.  
  
How each day was killing him inside.  
  
He would die here. He needed his freedom, he needed his home, he needed -  
  
Hiei.  
  
Kurama threw himself into his mortal mother's waiting arms. She held him as he wept. Her dark hair shielding his aching heart from the world. Silently she led him inside and shut the door.  
  
A whisper of shadows moved within the tree beside the house.  
  
Sitting alert upon a familiar twisted limb- someone sat and watched.  
  
Frowning slightly closing his blood like eyes in confusion, Hiei thought.  
  
He had masked his ki so the fox would not sense him, and after hours of waiting had almost left his perch. Then he had seen the fox approaching.  
  
To say the fire demon had been stunned was a laughable understatement.  
  
His breath had caught and he had watched entranced as Kurama walked up to the house. The kitsune had dressed himself in the clothes that Hiei had only ever seen on the Youko form of Kurama.  
  
He was beautiful.  
  
The fire demon's mind screamed at him to focus.  
  
He needed to find out what threatened his ally, his - dare he say it- friend.  
  
He needed to find out why the fox had threatened his sister.  
  
Face once again a calm mask; Hiei had watched the exchange between mother and son. The fire demon's dark brow creased as he saw the redhead break down in his human mother's arms. The sound of heart wrenching sobs disturbed him- though he tried not to acknowledge the feeling.  
  
So, he was correct. Something was wrong with the fox.  
  
Someone had hurt him so badly he was -  
  
Hiei's eyes widened as his subconscious screamed the obvious truth.  
  
Kurama was going to leave.  
  
That was why he was dressed like a Youko. That was why he was sobbing in the arms of his mother.  
  
Someone was forcing Kurama to leave the Ningenkai.  
  
But who could force Kurama to leave his human mother, to leave the human world he so loved?  
  
Only a powerful youkai could do so.  
  
Only a powerful youkai could twist Kurama to do their bidding.  
  
Unexpected fury rushed through his veins.  
  
NO!  
  
NO! They will not get away with this! I do not care if I must go to the bottom of the abyss!  
  
I will destroy this treat to my sister this-this threat to Kurama.  
  
The black haired demon blurred away back to Genkai's temple. He would tell the others his suspicions.  
  
They would all help to free Kurama from whatever evil ailed him.  
  
He would not let the fox leave this world. Though he enjoyed the idea of Kurama finally ridding himself of these humans, he knew that if someone was forcing the fox away - he would leave Hiei too.  
  
With these troublesome thoughts, the fire demon quickened his pace.  
  
Little did they know that the demon that wounded Kurama, who had slowly - unknowingly - ripped the fox's heart to pieces until the kitsune began to travel down the path to insanity and self-destruction, was -  
  
Hiei.  
  
R/R pwease!!^^  
  
TBC.  
  
^_^  
  
*cliffhanger-again! * 


	4. Hesitation

Disclaimer: Not my property. Do not own them. But we all know I wouldn't be here if I did...mmmmm yummy demons!  
  
Rating: PG-13. so far  
  
Paring: Kurama and Hiei - duh!  
  
A/N: My very first attempt at sharing my fic.s.fourth chapter! FYI - I am NOT responsible for any injuries sustained from reading this fiction .. like nosebleeds..*sneer* little hentai.  
  
Umm. I don't know if I did Kurama's history right. If I messed up horribly then please let me know!  
  
How Can I Say.... I love you?  
  
Kurama's sobs had decreased to quiet whimpers. He leaned against his mother's shoulder arms wrapped around her small waist. Shiori murmured soothingly into his ear and gently petted his long red hair. It calmed him. It was strange how one so delicate, so fragile, so mortal could have so strong a spirit. Some humans never ceased to amaze him.  
  
He unwound his arms and sat back with whispered thanks. It was now or never. Shiori waited patiently for him to speak, but the words seemed stuck.  
  
I cannot do this.  
  
See will hate me.  
  
I don't care.  
  
I don't know.  
  
I can't.  
  
No!  
  
I can.  
  
I will.  
  
I must tell her.  
  
The fox took a deep breath. Slowly he looked into Shiori's gentle eyes, searching for any hint of anger or disgust. He found nothing of the sort.  
  
There was compassion, confusion, sadness and love. A mother's love. Not the love he longed-  
  
No! I will NOT think of -him- now!  
  
Kurama shook his head to clear his train of thoughts and took another deep breath.  
  
"What I am going to tell you may sound impossible, but please believe me."  
  
"I will, my son, as I always have."  
  
Kurama lowered his head slightly in admonishment.  
  
"Gomen nasai, okassan."  
  
He sighed and placed his hand atop her folded ones.  
  
"Gomen, but I- I am not really your son."  
  
"Nani??"  
  
Kurama looked into her eyes again, without his walls, without his mask.  
  
Shiori gasped. His eyes were old, full of ancient wisdom. It was like looking into an endless well of emerald. Eyes layered with emotion and knowledge that were somewhat alien to her. He had said he was not her son. Looking into his eyes, she understood. The body was one she had given life to, but the soul-  
  
His soul was not the soul of a sixteen year old.  
  
"Shuichi? Doushite?"  
  
Speaking in a low voice he began to tell his tale.  
  
"My name is not Shuichi Minamino. It is Kurama, Youko Kurama. I am not human, not really. I am a Youko- a fox demon. And I have lived many ages in my real home. The Makai, the demon world."  
  
A sly smirk lit his features, as he continued.  
  
"I was a fox spirit at first. I was free, but not content. I had a weakness- or rather an obsession. Treasure. Gems, gold, magical items- anything and everything. It was all fascinating. Over time, I was strong enough to gain my Youko form. Still I sought the treasures of the world. I was a thief, elite, and there was nothing that I could not obtain."  
  
Kurama ducked his head, realizing that he was bragging to his human mother about stealing. But the human woman just chuckled remembering when Shu- no Kurama had somehow managed to sneak cookies when she wasn't looking, only three years old at the time. Well, physically. He continued.  
  
"I was known throughout the Makai. The legendary Youko Kurama. I was the lone rouge of the Youko Clan. It did not matter if I lived apart from the Clan though. I could have anyone I wanted, Youko and youkai alike. And I did."  
  
The redhead flushed in embarrassment. Gods, he was telling his mother- his MOTHER- about his old conquests. Again, Shiori laughed knowing exactly what was going through his mind. Secretly Kurama was pleased at how easily he accepted his past.  
  
"What do Youkos look like?"  
  
Kurama bit his lip; he could show her-  
  
No. Best leave that for last.  
  
"They are beautiful. Youkos have fox ears and tails. In the Makai sent is very important and Youkos have a universally attractive sent. Therefore, they are easily the most wanted of all the races in the Makai. Youkos usually have black, brown, red or blonde fur. However there was a rare color amongst Youkos, silver. Only those destined for great power were silver. Silver Youkos were nearly revered by even the Clan because of their power and beauty."  
  
Kurama's tone had become somewhat arrogant and he blushed again.  
  
Damn fox pride.  
  
Shiori smiled wide and tilted her head in amusement.  
  
"I assume that you are a silver Youko."  
  
Kurama blushed even harder, and Shiori again laughed.  
  
"I would like to see your Youko form one day, my son, but please continue with your story."  
  
Kurama's eyes grew serious once again and his voice lowered. He pulled his hand away gently.  
  
"I was not someone to be proud of, okassan. I am not as innocent as you would think. There is much blood on my hands, many that I have killed."  
  
He lowered his head, ashamed that he so unclean compared to Shiori's pure soul.  
  
She was innocent and he was not.  
  
Would she understand his past?  
  
"I did not kill without reason, but kill never-the-less I have. Many youkai have challenged me, and most have fallen. I was cold and detached during battle, and still am today. Cold, selfish and unbeatable. At least that was what I thought. Then during one of my searches for treasure a hunter began to hunt me. I fled but not quickly enough. I was mortally wounded."  
  
Kurama's jade eyes dulled a little, showing flashes of remembered pain. Shiori once again clutched his hand, but he did not seem to notice.  
  
"I could feel myself nearing death, could feel my ki slowly- painfully ebb away. But I was Youko Kurama. I would not- could not be killed so easily, and not by some foolish bounty hunter."  
  
"I used all of the ki I could still grasp and fled from my body. I sent my spirit into the Ningenkai, the human world, and searched for the nearest human. I knew that the only way to stay with the living was to inhabit the body of an unborn child, one that did not yet have a soul. That way I could grow as my ki grew. In ten years, I would have enough to escape and go back home. I felt a young woman nearby whose unborn child was growing; it did not have a soul. Before death could take me I merged with the baby's body."  
  
Shiori eyes widened as Kurama continued.  
  
"By ten I had gained enough ki to survive in the Makai, just as I had predicted. But something had happened that I did not expect. The young woman who had given me new life had also given me something I had never before possessed. Love."  
  
Kurama smiled at Shiori's shocked expression.  
  
"Love was something unheard of in the Makai. Love, along with most emotions, was a weakness. You did not need love to survive in the Makai. It was a weakness that could get you killed."  
  
"Love. It was ironic that a mortal could teach a life lesson to one as old as I. I had felt lust, known it like every other demon, but I was astounded by love. Lust was just a physical reaction, but love, love was like nothing I'd ever felt. It is unfathomable; it is insatiable. It is complex, and yet simple. Love is the ultimate paradox of all worlds. And yet this fragile human, this tiny being that was a mere child compared with my existence, understood and embraced love like I never had."  
  
Kurama looked into Shiori's tear-filled eyes and smiled a loving smile.  
  
"You had given me the greatest treasure I could ever have possessed. I had changed. I could not leave you; I loved you. I became kind, compassionate and gentle. I would never be the same as I had been, even if I was in my Youko form."  
  
"I did not tell you what I truly was for fear that you would hate me for what I had done. But I felt restless. I decided to train myself in order to protect the humans that I had grown so attached. I trained as hard as I had in the Makai. My ability to control plants grew over the years. I was not as powerful as my Youko form but it was enough for the human world. Then when I was walking with a young girl-child, I met another demon."  
  
Kurama smile grew and his voice was wistful.  
  
"His name is Hiei. He was a fire demon searching for a Koorime, an ice maiden, I later found out it was his sister. We fought a demon together and I healed his wounds. He knew that I was not who I pretended to be and was very surprised to learn that the little boy with the sword of grass was in fact Youko Kurama. Our fighting styles were compatible so we formed a partnership."  
  
"Over time I began to feel a strong friendship with the stubborn fire demon. I learned all I could about his past, as horrible as it was, and respect him for all he has lived through. Then a couple of years ago, he asked me to help him steal three priceless artifacts from the Rekai. I-I.."  
  
Kurama looked at Shiori hesitant.  
  
Should I tell her about the Mirror?  
  
No, I don't want her to worry.  
  
"I agreed. But ruler of the Spirit world sent his new detective after us. I gave the treasure I had to the detective but Hiei and the third demon, Goki, resisted. Yusuke defeated them and.."  
  
"Yusuke? Haven't I met him?"  
  
"Oh, yes when you were sick he came over."  
  
"Wait, he's a demon?"  
  
"Half, but we didn't know that at the time."  
  
"So now you are friends with him?"  
  
"Yes, after Yusuke turned us in, Koenma, Yusuke's boss, decided that our punishment would be better served as Yusuke's Rekai Tantei team members. The three of us, along with a human psychic named Kuwabara, fought in different tournaments and solved different cases."  
  
"Ah, so that is where you were. I had wondered."  
  
"Okassan gomen.."  
  
"Shh, I understand."  
  
"Arigatou gozaimasu."  
  
Kurama sighed heavily. He had told her nearly everything, but he did not know if he could tell her this. Admitting to being a demon was far easier than admitting you were leaving because of unrequited love.  
  
"That is my past, but I have more to tell."  
  
Shiori nodded. She needed to hear all that he needed to tell, though her heart already knew why it was he was so upset. A woman's intuition is very rarely wrong, even if your son was a Youko.  
  
"I am leaving, I can't stay here any longer. It is not because of you, I will always love you. I just- I can't- It-I.."  
  
Kurama ran a pale trembling hand through his crimson tresses and sighed again.  
  
"What is wrong?"  
  
A smirk..  
  
"I can't stay here."  
  
An insolent shrug..  
  
"I am trapped here."  
  
A hint of a smile revealing pointed fangs..  
  
"I-I miss my old home."  
  
Flame shaped ebon hair with a white starburst in the front..  
  
"I can't do this any more."  
  
White silk warding a glowing eye..  
  
"It hurts to much to pretend that- that."  
  
Deep eyes- blood red eyes- passionate, arrogant, innocent eyes..  
  
Kurama's head fell into trembling hands, his flame colored hair falling like a silk screen to hide his tears. Shiori again comforted him with the warmth of her embrace and her heart. The kitsune sobbed uncontrollable, anguished, longing sobs.  
  
"I-I can't stay here. I can't face hi-him anymore, it-it hurts to much."  
  
"Why does it hurt, segare."  
  
"Be-because I love him!"  
  
"Shh, koishii. It is good that you love someone."  
  
"No. No. I can't- I cannot love him. I cannot but I do. I love him so much okassan it.. I.. I love him!"  
  
"Why can't you love him, Kurama?"  
  
"Because it is forbidden. He is forbidden- the forbidden of his kind. He does not.. will never.. he will never fall in love. He will never-never love me."  
  
Kurama's broken sobs, his heartbroken confession, tore at Shiori's own heart.  
  
How could she fix this?  
  
Kurama pulled away again, wiping slowly at the tear drawn paths that stained his flushed cheeks.  
  
He had to leave.  
  
It would not be long before the others began to worry.  
  
He still had not played with them yet.  
  
"Kurama you are my son. I do not care how you became my son; I still love you with all my heart. But this is something were you must stand-alone. You must either hide from love or fight for it. Whatever you choose- I will always love you as my son, Youko Kurama."  
  
Shiori stood and walked to the door.  
  
Kurama took a deep breath and walked to her side. Turning he looked deep into her eyes. Love shone clearly from their depths.  
  
At that moment, it was he who felt like a child.  
  
She was so strong. So young but so wise.  
  
He knew why he loved her.  
  
She was his mother.  
  
Kurama kissed her cheek softly.  
  
"Good bye, Shiori."  
  
"It is never good bye, Kurama."  
  
Kurama's eyes flashed golden and he smiled.  
  
"I love you, my mother." "I love you as well, my son."  
  
The kitsune opened the door and walked away from the human that meant so much to him.  
  
Shiori watched him until he faded from view. She did not know if he would ever come back, but she would always stay. Raising a fragile hand to the graying sky, she whispered a soft prayer.  
  
"Watch over him Forbidden One, he loves you when hope is none."  
  
R/R pwease!!^^  
  
TBC.  
  
^_^  
  
*cliffhanger! *  
  
The next chapter will have more of Hiei's POV!!! 


	5. Gathering

Disclaimer: Not my property. Do not own them. But we all know I wouldn't be here if I did...mmmmm yummy demons!  
  
Rating: PG-13... so far  
  
Paring: Kurama and Hiei  
  
A/N: I'm BBBAAAAACCCCCKKK!!!!! Hehehe! FYI - I am NOT responsible for any injuries sustained from reading this fiction ... like nosebleeds...sneer little hentai.  
  
How Can I Say... I love you?  
  
Hiei arrived at Genkai's temple quickly. The others looked up when they heard him enter, eyes troubled.  
  
"What do you think Hiei?" Yusuke asked.  
  
Hiei crossed his arms. He wanted to tell them his suspicions, but he wanted to handle them in his own way. Unfortunately he knew that Kurama was powerful. Maybe too powerful for him to stop. He scowled.  
  
"I saw him at his mother's house. He was dressed in youko clothing and he was saying goodbye to his mother."  
  
Kuwabara frowned. "So what does that have to do with anything? What about what he said?"  
  
Yusuke smacked Kuwabara upside the head. "Baka! He was dressed like a youko! Saying goodbye! He is gonna leave!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
Hiei scowled even more. "Hn."  
  
Yusuke looked at him and sighed. "Why is he leaving? Why has he been acting so different? It's almost like he..."  
  
"Yes, almost like he was under someone else's control."  
  
"But how can we be sure?"  
  
Hiei's jagan glowed briefly. "The fox's aura is different. It is clouded more than usual, almost completely blocked off."  
  
The other's looked confused.  
  
"More than usual?"  
  
Hiei turned to Genkai. Her eyebrow was raised slightly in question.  
  
"When I read his aura it is not clouded."  
  
"My jagan can reach deeper than your psychic powers can, even for one who has tasted death. Kurama's aura has always been unique since his soul has been changed and compacted into a human body. He has a great deal of control over it as well, which is not surprising considering his youko past. He has always managed to partially shield his essence from me. I can see glimpses occasionally but it takes too much energy to bother with."  
  
Yusuke's eyes widened as he began to understand what Hiei meant. "That is how he snuck up on you when we fought the first time! I always wondered how he was able to get so close."  
  
Hiei nodded. "But now his aura is, twisted. It is dark and completely shielded. I can sense him just beneath the barrier but I can not reach through."  
  
Yukina put a hand to her mouth as all the pieces came together. "What can we do?"  
  
"Can we do anything at all?"  
  
Hiei looked at the others; his eyes burned a deep red.  
  
"I will fight for him."  
  
Kuwabara and Yusuke stood.  
  
"I will fight for Kurama."  
  
"Let's go kick some ass- um... let's go!"  
  
Yukina stepped forward and a red blush stained her pale cheeks.  
  
"Keiko, Shizuru, and I will also go."  
  
"Yukina..."  
  
"No! No. We are all Kurama's friends and we will all try to help get him back."  
  
Yukina's eyes glowed with a fire similar to her brother's. Hiei felt a little pang of pride for his sister. He nodded his head.  
  
"If you must."  
  
Suddenly a shattering sound rang through the room. Genkai had thrown her cup behind her. She rubbed her hands together in satisfaction.  
  
"Well, if you idiots are going to go on this crazy little trip, I might as well go along too. You need some one with actual skill to take care of the real fight anyway."  
  
"Whatta are you talking about you old hag? We three are the only ones powerful enough to stop whatever has got a hold of Kurama!"  
  
"Sure dimwit, keep telling yourself that."  
  
"Yeah maybe one day it'll actually come true."  
  
"Shut up you too! Kuwabara you're supposed to take my side! Baka!"  
  
Hiei scowled at the bickering ningens. He didn't care what they did as long as they didn't get in his way. His jagan glowed softly again.  
  
"Hold on fox."  
  
R/R pwease!!  
  
TBC.  
  
  
  
cliffhanger!   
  
The next chapter will have more of Kurama! 


	6. MOVING

I AM SO SORRY…

I am moving both of my stories to my other username stolendreamer (link is in my profile) because I am also going to edit and rewrite some chapters.

I want to thank all of the people who have reviewed my fics. I WILL repost both stories within the next month AND add a new chapter (maybe more) to both.

In order to tempt you to keep reading the soon-to-be-redone version of "How Can I Say… I Love You" I will give you a teaser of another fic I wrote while writing HCIS-ILY. It is Hiei/Kurama but this scene actually has a bit of Youko/Kurama and Hiei/Kurama…

May I present: a hint of "Kissing You"…

(((((((((((((((((((((((((SD)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

"Will you let me have him Kurama? Will you let us have him?"

He nodded. Anything, anything to reach that high he was searching for. Then he was there riding it in waves, crying and shuddering as the youko- his youko- held him.

Two voices whispered together.

"Hiei."

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SD))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

"'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.

I'm kissing you, oh."

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SD)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Kurama woke and stared into the darkness of his room. He tried to ignore the memories of the youko dream but he could still feel the touch of his hand, still smell the freedom of the Makai to deeply entrenched within his soul to ever leave.

There was a tapping at his window. Hiei. He got up and pulled open the window. Hiei stepped inside and leaned against the wall. His eyes swept along Kurama's exposed body, burning trails along the smooth skin. Kurama fought the heat creeping into his cheeks.

"Do you need something Hiei?"

"What just happened?"

Kurama spun around from re-latching the window.

"What do you mean?"

"I felt a disturbance in your ki."

"Oh, it was nothing. Just a nightmare."

Hiei scowled at him.

"Liar."

Kurama scowled back. He was tired of playing this game with Hiei. Tired of pretending to be happy and content with being the calm one.

"So what if I am? It makes no difference to you."

"You have been avoiding me fox, and keeping too many things to yourself."

Kurama pushed Hiei against the wall hard.

"What business is it of yours what I do with my own secrets? Just leave it alone!"

Hiei grabbed Kurama's neck and effortlessly swung them around, slamming the human just as hard into the wall.

"It is my business what secrets my partner keeps from me! Especially when he is supposed to fight by my side!"

Kurama tried to pull the smaller demon's hands from his throat but they were like a vice. Loose enough to not hurt him and tight enough to keep him in place.

"Let me go Hiei!"

"Tell me what you're hiding!"

"No, let me go!"

Kurama reached into his hair to pull out a seed. Hiei's eyes narrowed at the movement. The fire demon grabbed both of Kurama's wrists and pulled them together.

Both demons were pressing against each other, their hands caught between them, Hiei's holding Kurama's in place. The fox struggled again, but he could barely move. Hiei's jagan began to glow, that deep purple-black color.

"If you will not tell me, then you will show me."

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SD))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope you liked this brief glimpse. Thank you for your patience.

I will make How Can I Say… I Love You even better than before.

Until then,

Luna Aelf Writer a.k.a. StolenDreamer


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